Happy Birthday, Ben!

Ben, isdatchu? Ay, si pokwang pala!

Pardon my French. Ito’y isang pang-award ko sa aking shufatid sa dugo na si Benilyn, o Ben. Bertdey nya ngayon e. Kung hindi mo pa siya naka-prenship, aba’y ang laki ng najogbaks sa layp mo. E paano naman, pag nakacheka mo ito si Bhen, kakabagan ka talaga sa kakatawa. Anong sey ni Pokwang (na akerding sa mga kinauukulan, na itago na lang natin sa pangalang ‘Bing’, e para silang pinagbiyak na epol), kung sa joks at hirit din lang ang pagbabasehan?

Pardon my French. This is a tribute to my dear sister Benilyn, or Ben. It’s her birthday today. If you haven’t had the luck to be her friend, well, you have been missing a great deal in your life. Why? Because the moment you have the chance to interact with Ben, you will be rolling in laughter for sure. Pokwang (according to some anonymous person, let’s hide her under the name ‘Bing’, they look exactly alike) can’t hold a candle next to her, as far as jokes and sense of humour are concerned.

Hindi trulili and nasa alamat na apat kaming babae at isang lalaki na magkakapatid. Ang totoo nya’y apat kaming babaeng badaf at (sige na nga!) isang unico iho sa Familia de Alvarez. At kung kabadingan din lang ang pag-uusapan, nangunguna itong pang-apat kong kapatid sa pagdala ng bandila ng mga Badinger Z.

It’s not true that we are four girls and one boy. The fact is, we are four girl gays and (oh, all right!) only one boy in the Alvarez Family. And when we talk about being gay, this fourth sister of ours carries the gay flag of in front of the pack.

Sa posing pa lang, halata mo nang bading!

Pero heka, ghels en boys en beckys, kung magwa-wonder woman ka kung sino itish si Beyn,  ipapakilala kita sa kanya. May hakahakang pag tumingin daw sya sa salamin, ang nakikita nya ay walang iba kundi si Gelli de Belen. O, titigan mo siya. Nakakalurkey di ba? Hawig nga sya sa anak ni Janice, este, sa kafatid pala.

But wait, girls and boys and those in between, if you are wondering who the real Ben is, let me introduce her to you. There is a rumour that when she looks in the mirror, she sees none other than Gelli de Belen. Take a closer look. Amazing, right? She really looks like Janice’s daughter, er, sister.

Totoo nga ang chizmax!

Minsan naman sa isang kisapmata, nag-e-exorcise daw sya sa katawang lupa at fez ni Agot Isidro. Nakakashokot ha? Pero para ngang trubalu ang kaganapang ito! Para nga silang iisang utaw.

Sometimes in a wink of an eye, she says she transforms into Agot Isidro. This is really scary! But the similarity looks so real. It's like they are doppelgangers!

Tarush! Walang kakabog dito!

No, hindi po siya insecure

Pero hindi sya orig na biyutipul swan, dahil pinaka-chakabells talaga yan sya nung bata pa si Sabel. May isang taym nga na sabay-sabay na dumalaw ang mga boylets ng tatlong panganay na hitad sa balur, habang ang ating bidang babae’y Alicia Alonso ang epek na nanood ng TV mag-isa. Na-sight sya ni Father dear at nag-gora sa kanya, inakbayan siya at walang patuga-tugang sinabing, “Anak, huwag ka munang paliligaw ha? Bata ka pa masyado!” Gusto sana nyang humagalpak sa tawa at sagutin si Pudra ng, “Bakit, Pa, may manliligaw nga kaya sa akin?”  Pero ni minsan ay hindi na-insekyora o naimbyerna itong si Vhen, marahil siguro ay alam niyang this ghel will turn into a woman, bullet day.

 But she has not always been a beautiful swan, because she was really an ugly duckling when we were young. There was one time when all the suitors of the three elder sisters were in the house at the same time, while our main actress was watching TV alone. Our father saw her, went up to her, hugged her and said, “My dear daughter, don’t accept suitors yet, okay? You are still much too young!” She wanted to laugh as loudly as she could and retort, “Why, Pa, do you think someone will really want to court me?” But insecurity was never an issue for Ben, maybe she knew that that girl would turn to be a fine and beautiful woman someday.

Sa lahat ng anak ni Mudra Oliva, sha ang pinakapeborit ni Lola Virgie (SLN!). Paano’y daldakina syang maituturing. Bibong-bibo hotdog sya kahit sa lahat ng oras. Atribida at palaging gusto’y um-o-aura. Luz Valdez nga lang ang talent niya sa pagkanta. Lakasan lang talaga ng loob. Tsk tsk tsk. Bakit ba kasi masyado nyang inidolo ang pinakapanganay n’yang sisterhood, e alam naman nyang meja miles away ang layo ng agwat nilang dalawa (o, simula na nang buhatan ng bangko?)

Out of all Mama Olive’s daughters, she was the favourite of my Lola Virgie (May she rest in peace!). Because she was always active and talkative. She always wanted to be in the spotlight on stage. However, she doesn’t have a talent in singing. It’s just pure guts. What a shame. Why did she have to idolize her eldest sister too much, when she knew that the gap between them is millions of miles away. (So should we now start our ‘Feel good’ session?)

Pati pa ba naman hanggang sa ideal jowa ay nanggaya rin sha? Sa isang taga-Petron din siya na-inlababo. Pero wala namang dapat i-krayola. Winnie Santos naman talaga si Neil Armstrong sa kanya. At nabiyayaan pa ng dalawang magagandang junakis na anghel dela guardias. Layp is gud.

She even copied her ideal husband. She also fell in love with someone from Petron. But no hard feelings. Neil is really lucky to have her. They were even blessed with two beautiful angels. Life is good.

 

At ngayon ay ti-por ka na nga, Ben. Ergolangs na nga tayo (Pero Gandara Park naman!) Don’t lie to me! Pero hindi kita kailanman nakasamaan ng loob. Para ngang nasabi mong minsan sa ating telebabad na ako ang BFF sisterhood mo. Oo, minsan ay nag-echoz ka na mas beeyooti ka sa akin, pero asahan mong hindi kita tsustsugihin dahil dito. Hahayaan na lang kita sa ilusyon mong yan. Pak!

And now you are past 40, Ben. Are we already old (But beautiful just the same!). Don’t lie to me! But never have we had a bad argument. I remember you saying that I'm your best friend sister. Well, there was one time when you lied that you were prettier than me, but know that I will never take it against you. I’ll just let you wallow in that illusion. Pak! 

You’ve come a long way, Ben. Hope you have all the blessings your heart desires. Know that you are always in my prayers. Love you much. Iskayf tayo mamaya?  

Skype later?