Forgive But Not Forget

In all my seventeen years of marriage, it has never occurred to me that the Hubby would cheat. That’s how I fully trust him.

You see, I’m not at all the jealous-type. I don’t snoop around his things or computer or cell phone. I don’t sniff his clothes in the laundry. I don’t know what (or how much!) the contents of his wallet and ATM are. No, it’s not apathy. It’s just that I know he fears God and he treasures our marriage so much. Oh, and he is scared of his kids more than anything else, especially of the Daughter.

Oh yes, sometimes we joke around a bit on topics like this. Like what if he had an affair, or if he was seen by any of us ‘meeting’ someone. He answers his own question by saying that he knows his kids would be devastated and disillusioned, and he is most afraid of that. Ha! He doesn’t even ask how his poor wife would feel. Maybe he doesn’t want to hear that I'd jokingly retort I’d do an eye for an eye? Or would I?

For others, it’s easier to forgive if there is still love and affection in marriage. But if the husband and wife are already strangers living in one roof, then a situation like this turns into a seemingly valid alibi to cut the knot that binds them.

Rabbi Shmuley, Oprah’s marriage guru, has advice for couples who have bumped into the rock of infidelity:

1. You can forgive a spouse for an act of infidelity, he says, but only if your spouse promises to work on it. "Your spouse needs to show that they're serious about repentance, commitment to you and not doing it again," Rabbi Shmuley says. Counseling is also often needed to repair the relationship, he says.

2. Beware of a repeat offender. "If the spouse slips up more than once after their promise to change, your partner is not serious about changing," Rabbi Shmuley says.

3. Women often feel tempted to know details about the other woman, but don't compare yourself to her, Rabbi Shmuley says. "The time will come when your husband can talk about it if it's still bothering you," he says. "But don't have your husband relive it when he's trying to heal."

4. Forgive only if your spouse agrees to sever all communication with that person, he says. If it's a co-worker, he says the cheating spouse must leave that job.

I really don’t know how I would react to this issue. Would I forgive him, or would I totally give up on him? If I forgave him, would I be able to forget? And if I were able to forget, would my love be also wiped out? 

Aargh, that’s why I don’t want to think about it. It always gives me a headache.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Movie Recall:  Crazy, Stupid, Love.

The Story: A couple is devastated by an act of infidelity of the wife, which ended up in a divorce. The husband, wanting to move on and regain his crushed manhood, hangs out at a singles bar. He is ‘trained’ by a gigolo expert he met at the bar on how to smoothly pick up girls. But the consequences of their actions will be dramatic in the end.

My Reaction:

What is it with Steve Carell that you end up loving his character? He is funny but one can empathize with him as well. When his wife (Julianne Moore) asked for a divorce, you can feel how how his world came crumbling down. It is also very funny how he painstakingly learned how to get back in the singles crowd, with a big help from a professional bachelor (Ryan Gosling). But after all these misadventures, he still knows that his happiness lies with his family at home.

Trivia:

'Emma Stone' is a mere three days older than Analeigh Tipton. However, her character Hannah (approx. 26-27 years) is almost ten years older than Tipton's Jessica (17 years).

When Jonah Bobo's character, Robbie, is deleting Jessica's number from his cellphone you can read that another contact in his phone is 'Joey K'. Joey King is the name of the actress playing Molly, his sister on screen.

The cocktail that Jacob drinks and makes throughout the movie is an "Old Fashioned," considered by some historians to be the first American cocktail. The recipe usually included sugar and bitters muddled together, club soda and ice, rye whisky, and a large slice of orange peel.

Julianne Moore, who plays Robbie's (Jonah Bobo) mother, played the mother of Josh Hutcherson's character in The Kids Are All Right. Bobo and Hutcherson played brothers in Zathura: A Space Adventure.

Robbie's class is studying the Scarlet Letter. This novel is the basis for Emma Stone's previous movie Easy A.

They were actually giving a free iPad on set to whoever came up with a title for the film.

The golden round shaped symbol that Kate (Marisa Tomei) is wearing in the scene when Cal (Steve Carell) hits on her actually refers to a married women in the Indian tradition, although she is single here.